What I've learnt so far by 'running away'

The cold, hard truth in running away, is that it will always come with consequences. Not everyone, not even myself has come out of it unscathed.

I've had days where I've cried. For no particular reason other than I needed to.

I've had days where I've felt weak and daily tasks felt mundane and the idea of hiding felt like paradise.

I've wondered what old friends are doing and what would could have been different had I stayed where I was.

I've had moments of questioning every action that led me to the moment in which I chose to leave and have pondered every 'what if', thinking of every route I could have taken to outwit the inevitable.

I've struggled to settle and things as minor as mispronouncing road signs lead me to believing, that moving to another place was the worst possible decision I could have made and since I can't pronounce where I am, that obviously means I'll never foresee this place as a home.

I've made connections with people who have caused hurt and have momentarily made me wish to 'run away' again.

I've had days in which I've awoken feeling motivated, powerful and at ease with the choices I've made, choices that made me feel excited for my future.

I've met people who despite, my sometimes fragile state, have welcomed me into their worlds with open arms and kind gestures.

I've travelled to places that have taken my breath away.

I've learnt new rules and new laws that I don’t quite understand.

I've had days where I've learnt that no matter where you are arseholes do exist and people will do what they have to in order to gain the upper hand over you.

I've met people who make me laugh, who have taught me different cultures and given me a way of looking at things with a different perspective.

I've talked to strangers who have 'ran away' themselves and have put their arms around me and told me that everything will be okay and that my decisions will all be the right ones in the end.

I've had my heart broken again.

I've felt lost and I've felt scared.

I've felt powerful and ready to get out there and make this place a home.

I've been away for nearly 6 months and have already felt such a wide range of crazy emotions. But, with each emotion, I'm getting better. It's getting easier. I'm allowing myself to cry because it's all about transition. It's about holding onto that glimpse of hope that I'm not going to fail at life. It's allowing myself to miss home and allowing somewhere to become a second home. It's not forgetting those who were there and making space for new people to enter your life, either to teach you or to be a part of your adventure.

I guess, 'running away, fleeing, leaving, escaping' can all be perceived as acts of cowardice, consequences of feeling too over-whelmed and perhaps, being too weak to regain power in the hand you've been dealt.

But what if 'running away' meant that instead of being a coward, you were allowing yourself to be brave, you were giving yourself that break you were owed to start again. Instead, it was a chance to go out there and find who it is that you want to be, to finally be on the road to finding peace with yourself?

It's all about growing up after all. You'll have good days and bad days, but the key is take to the good with the bad and as long as we don't give up, then I guess that we can't say we've ever failed.